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年纪越大 生活好像相对的变得平淡 对喜欢的东西的欲念 变得越来越淡 现在的我 学聪明了 ~ 要。。 就跟我走 It’s so hard to lose the one you love When the last teardrop falls So now I’m alone and life keeps moving on When the last teardrop falls Now it’s time for me to find my happiness again When the last teardrop falls
纵然风雨不断 ^______^ Surprisingly, neither I cried, nor tears dropped. She thought I will, and I thought I will, but I never did. The fact is cruel, and usually it is also hard to be accepted. But I don’t want to make myself so pathetic and piteous just to win the sympathy or attention. I never want, and I never will. I was having insomnia after the talk with her, rolled & turned on my bed the whole night. The recent happened in her which I just get to know, the memories and the past which belong to us were revolving in my mind unremittingly. And it did really confuse me in a few seconds, the questions and contradictions kept popping up in my mind. Am I still love her, or rather hate her? Why am I still holding up after I knew that she has started a new life? What actually makes me cannot get over with it? Because of the person, the memories, or the hatred? Why the hatred grows and where it comes from? The bitterness & coldness I got from her? Or the jealousy over how well she treat others? Human always like to compare. I should slap myself over the superficial thinking that risen in me. Human always like to put the blame on others, reproach others for the faults. I should slap myself again over the narrow perception I had. Nobody could do you wrong, unless you allow them to. It always takes two hands to clap. No one can force you to do the things you’re unwillingly to do, unless you make yourself to do it. True love, should be without requite and asking for any returns even though it didn’t ended well, shouldn’t it? It had been a long time I ever reveal my true feeling to someone. Sometimes I’d hide my true self under the mask; conceal my sadness with the artificial smiles. But it’s really tiring and weary to pretend yourself, especially in front of the one you love. I’ve decided to be true to myself, although I know I’d lose my ego and pride, and she might despise me after which, but I still insist to. For me, it’s always better to lose the pride to the love one, rather than lose the love one because of pride. I have no regrets to confess myself to her although I know she no longer has any feelings towards me. But well, it doesn’t matter now. Having expectation usually leads to disappointment, fortunately I didn’t have. Or rather, I dare not to have. Perhaps the life without her wouldn’t be too good, but I’m not going to make my life as worse. You always have the options, to choose whichever means the best to you. Undoubtedly, I still miss her a lot. But this doesn’t mean that I should live in misery all the time. You can either love a person in a happier manner, or relapse into a painful love, that’s your choice. No matter what happened, life still has to go on. You’re the only person to preside over your own life, you’re the only person to answer for the decisions you made, and you’re the one must bear the outcome which brings to you over the decision you made. There will have no turning back even though one day you’ve realized that actually you were wrong. Life seems to have take 2, but it doesn’t mean to everyone, or everything. I’ve spent a year to look through a person who was the closest to me. And actually within a year time, I feel I’ve learned quite a fair bit from my encounters. The person I met, the tears I shed, the tribulations I’ve gone through, have taught me many good lessons. Think positively, in a way, actually you have nothing to lose. You’re merely just losing someone who doesn’t know how to cherish you. But in fact they are the one who at the loss, because they are losing someone who really love and care about them. Someone ever told me, before you’re going to love somebody, you got to know how to love yourself in the first place. Initially I didn’t agreed with it, but now, I feel it does make sense. If something you really need to know but you try to stay away from it, that’s escapism. If something you may not necessary to know, you chose not to know and you found that you will be happier if you know nothing, that’s not avoid, instead you’ve made a wise choice to grant yourself a better life. There are always so many paths out there for you to choose, so there is no way to choose a blind alley which leads you to the unhappiness. Nobody tend to be unhappy, because you always have the options. Things happened, no matter good or bad, it’ll all get better in time. [Though I couldn’t live without you, it’s gonna hurts when it heals to, it’ll all get better in time. Even though I really love you, I’m gonna smile cause I deserve to, it’ll all get better in time.] I still remember during the appraisal and an interview last time, my boss was actually pointed out some of my main weaknesses – inflexible, stubborn, being too offensive over the comments from others, and etc. And in the past, we were having lot of arguments over the work, over the trivia matters which the fire were usually started by my stubbornness and negative thinking. But now, I’ve changed. I’m no longer that emotional, negative thinking, short-tempered and obstinate. The former pessimistic person, I no longer am. I’ve learned to take things easy, think positively, and able to accept the comments from others now. The changes in me have brought me a big step ahead in my career & life. How I wish I could continue to share my ups and downs with her. How I wish she could see the changes in me, and feel that I’ve greatly improved from the past. However, it doesn’t really matter now… At work, no matter how demanding the clients are, no matter how ridiculous the requests are, no matter how great the stress is, I’m still able to face them imperturbably. Although sometimes I’ll still curse them from behind, but I’ll make sure I’m with smiles all the time when facing them. Sounds hypocritical or rather fake, isn’t it? But this is the practical trick to let you survive in such a complicated world and this will absolutely bring you further in your life. I’ve learned how to deal with the fussy clients calmly, and rejected their unreasonable requests in a polite manner. I can feel that my boss has put the trust in me and started to let me handle some major projects without his participation. Recently, some clients approached me to handle their projects for them, and I guess it isn’t just because of they were impressed with my past performance, but the prior reason is they find me negotiable and flexible. The acknowledgements from boss and the compliments from clients have provided me so much satisfaction in work and boosted up the confident in me. Even so, I’m not going to think highly of myself with the small achievements. I understand it very clearly, the higher you climb to, the more pains you’d get if you fell from high. So, heads down, there is always plenty room of improvement for me to catch up, for I may become a better person. Life is unpredictable, and we wouldn’t know what will happen in the next second. You’re hardly can hold the things in your hands tightly, so why should you worry about the things which are beyond your control? Life can be so much better and easier if you know how to let go the past and free yourself from the unhappiness. Continue holding up the grudges will only make you falling deeper. Why don’t open up your heart? My maudlin career must come to an end, I don’t want to be sad again. Unhappiness does not come at us, it actually comes from us. Trying to make any unpleasant thoughts and feelings go away only fixes them in you. So, why should you? Let the nature take its own course. Let time proves us the truth. Let the truth reveals what is the real happiness and bliss. If it means for you, it will come back to you ultimately. The best is yet to come… I believe… [生日快乐 我对自己说 轻哼着 礼物 生日卡 我不敢想 或许 我不该有任何期待 夜空下 我许下了唯一的一个心愿 [还爱你 带一点恨 人群中哭着 你只想变成透明的颜色 你静静忍着 紧紧把昨天在拳心握着 这世界笑了 于是你合群的一起笑了 你不是真正的快乐 你不是真正的快乐 你值得真正的快乐 遇见你 那天起 思念总不停 情已变 回不去 没人来决定 还是让你走 还是让你走 你的忽冷忽熱 讓我無法適從 而你 究竟把我的心當什么 我恨你 對我冷漠無情 然而 我更恨我自己 我恨 我自己 (只剩下钢琴陪我站在这里 (在这场爱情角力的拔河里 (撒娇的 可爱的 粘人的 爱哭的 (如今我还在原地 (你说我爱你太多 就快要把你淹没 (你说我给你太多 却不能给我什麽 (爱情是一道伤口 我们各自苦痛) 双手奉上曾经拥抱的幸福 情已逝 爱已灭 寻寻觅觅 兜兜转转 浮浮沉沉 不想 再回到以往堕落放纵的日子 或许 在绕了一大圈 才会明白 或许 爱就像手中的一条线 。。。Love Is Never Enough 。。。 |
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